I am in a vortex of obligation.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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