Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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