I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Someone came in the potted fern
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
