Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
