My room smells like vodka and shame
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
