Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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