After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
how drunk are you?
Several
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
