just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
