Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Even my vagina gasped.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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