the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize