how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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