Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
