Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
