You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am one with the molecules
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
