Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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