Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
