You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
