Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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