apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
