So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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