Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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