youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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