I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
