Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize