Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
