i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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