Can i not drive my cunt home
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize