I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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