I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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