he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
