My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Be still, my beating vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
