Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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