I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's always time for handjobs
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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