Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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