Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
