I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
