Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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