The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
