I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
