my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
