remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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