you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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