I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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