She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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