stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
