You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
