she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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