guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize