You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
