so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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