I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
