Tell her she can't have a vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
