He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
