I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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