she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
