we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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