My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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