Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
