Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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