Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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