Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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