when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
