i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
