i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
someone owes me an orgasm
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
