see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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