its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
