gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
