I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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