I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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