I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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