Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
