tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
