it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize