im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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