allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I fill condoms, not promises.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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